"I prefer sex with someone who has erectile dysfunction."

Now, there's a title that will get your attention.

Photo by Stephanie LeBlanc on Unsplash

“We spend hours in bed kissing. I lost my job a few years ago, so sometimes I go into town and meet Laila on her lunch break, and we’ll just sit on a bench and kiss.”

The article offers cynical souls some hope that there's someone out there for everyone, despite our dysfunctions. It also reminds us that a disability, health issues, or a painful past doesn't mean the end of love and sex and shows us how varied our turn-ons can be.

But there's always more to it. Love and sex are never simple, but there are solutions for us, as this story also illustrates.

In the Guardian's, This is how we do it: 'I prefer sex with someone who has erectile dysfunction,' we are introduced to the love story of Jeremy and Laila. When they met, Jeremey had been in an open relationship for the last 13 years, and Laila had been in an abusive relationship and hadn't dated for 6 years. There is a 27 year age gap between them, Jeremy is 54, and Laila is 27.

When I first read the article last night, I didn't want to admit to it, but I was a bit judgmental. I consider myself open and free about all things having to do with sex, so long as it's consensual and doesn't involve a cult, like NXIVM or, along those lines, anything truly criminal.

My little bit of judgment wasn't about the open relationship or the age gap; it came from Laila's not being honest with the other men she has been dating about her relationship with Jeremy.

She used to be honest about her relationship with Jeremy, but those relationships didn't last. Now that she's poly, too, she says it "shrinks your dating pool." I get that being in an open relationship makes it harder to meet or date other people and that those conversations can be challenging. Still, I believe there is no reason or justification to hide it.

Jeremy is the elder and has a father-figure vibe, which is a turn-on for her and makes her feel "cared for and listened to."

"Sex with Jeremy is completely different to the sex I had before. It's gentle, loving and mutual. My ex was a porn addict, which shaped the sex we had, whereas Jeremy doesn't watch porn. To have good sex, I now think it needs to be with someone who doesn't watch porn and who has erectile dysfunction, which takes the pressure off penetration. Jeremy doesn't need to get hard or come to experience pleasure, so there's less emphasis on making either of us orgasm and more on how we connect emotionally."

This statement by Laila is interesting because it shows how powerful sexual connections and black-and-white our thinking can be. Laila assumes that because the sex with one man with erectile dysfunction is amazing, it will be the same with all men with erectile dysfunction.

She also says that the men she dates in the future shouldn't watch porn because of her ex. This will limit her dating pool, like she said, being honest about being poly has. Men who date her and watch porn can just hide their porn habits from her like she is hiding Jeremy from the other men she dates.

For Jeremy, "The age gap means she doesn't really feel like my girlfriend. My primary partner, with whom I've lived for more than 13 years, is like my wife (though we're not married), whereas with Laila it's very different. One of the reasons I'm polyamorous is to have different dynamics with different people. For me, there would be no point in having the same feelings for another person that I already have for someone else."

I am endlessly fascinated by stories like these because, for some of us with health issues like Parkinson's, insecurities are real, but so are ways we can feel better about ourselves.

It's stories like these that remind us of how an intimate relationship can go far beyond penetrative sex, to the point of its exclusion, and still be hot as fuck.